My Chicago Rant

I like to think of myself as a glass half full type of person.

In that respect, tackling the events of my latest "Vacation" is difficult because there were some pretty crappy moments. Extremely crappy. But, don't get me wrong! It is not like I didn't have a good time or something. I did. No, really. I did carve out my peace of happiness while I was in Chicago. However, am I glad to be home? Intensely!

I want to tell all but before I can do that, let me introduce the girls first. There is me of course and my other two accomplices were Ann and Diandre. I have known Ann for over 5 years and her friend Diandre, I have known for a few months. Before we even got on the road, we hit a snag. Transportation. None of us are 25 so renting a car is much more expensive. We wasted a day trying to get around that problem. We failed and decided to use Ann's car instead.

So, that problem was solved. But, don't worry. There are plenty more where that came from. How about, dealing with females already had me pissed only 5 minutes into the trip! How is it that someone can conclude that since I would not be a driver for this trip, that I needed to sit in the back the whole ride? I despise the back. And, the fact that each time Ann or Diandre got in the passenger seat, they usually fell asleep instead of "helping navigate" like they told me was going to happen, ran my blood cold. But, I got over it for the the sake of peace.

In fact, I was starting to really relax. When we finally arrived at our destination, we were greeted by Ann's cousin Jasmin and her stepmom, whose place we were staying over. At first, I honestly thought her Stepmom was around our age. It was not until the next day that I realized my folly. No big deal. The girls and I got dressed and ready for Day 1 of shopping. Now THAT was fun! I stepped into whatever mall that it was and happily lost total track of time. If there is one thing that Ann and I can do without fighting, it is shop! We left that mall broke and happy. hehe

Our next stop? Taste of Chicago! Now you want to talk about a fun and carefree time? The girls and I spent two of the best hours of the whole entire trip walking around tasting and sharing foods while shamelessly gawking hot shirtless men! What a blessing that No Shirt July is in Chicago (giggle, giggle). I felt like a silly teenager scoping out all the hot guys with my girls and being followed around by numerous admirers. When we left, we talked and laughed the whole way back to where we stayed. Part II of the day? Not so good.

It is not easy to pinpoint where all the drama began, but I did notice a trend. Whenever Jasmine (Ann's cousin) came around, Ann turned "Brand New", and whenever Ann turned "Brand New", Diandre turned into a mouse, and whenever that happened, Ann and I seemed to become... distant. This trend was always most blatant when deciding where to go. Why? Don't ask me. The thing was, none of my girls were from Chi-town! We didn't know the "hot spots" on a Saturday night. So, what did we do? We looked to Jasmine for advice and suggestions. Simple enough, right? She lives there. Surely she could come up with a location that we all could enjoy? But, there was a snag in the perfect plan.

To say it delicately is...impossible. To smooth over the truth in my own blog is...unthinkable. The simple fact of the matter is that our host Jasmin never had any intention of going where we wanted to go. In fact, she said as much before we even left. Clubs? Out! So, what was left? Bars. I have a special disgust for bars but she assured us that it would be a good time (resisting urge to roll eyes).

Now before I go on, let me make it clear that Ann knew exactly where she wanted to go. We all knew. She wanted to go to a bar. A certain bar. Where a certain group of male friends were partying. She did not put it on loud speaker but there was no mistake that this "certain bar" was where she wanted us all to go. And, I figured that if it was going to be a bar that we went to, why not one where we knew people there? Are you following me?

The night was moving on, but girls will be girls. We did not really get out of the door until 12:30ish. Of course, we did not think it was too big of a deal being that we know places that don't close until 6AM in Atlanta! But, as we are riding off into the night, Jasmin blurts out, "Honestly, we left so late, everything is probably going to be closed". Something like indignation welled up in my throat and I barely choked back a "What the $@%#!" Instead, I assured myself with the assumption that Jasmine had to be exaggerating. We made time to pick up Jasmine's friend and take the "other" highway to avoid the tolls but even as we arrived in downtown Chicago, we still had no ACTUAL destination.

The music was blasting, so between "who-runs-the-world"s and "baby-I-can-be-yo-motivation"s, I managed to hear Jasmine (once again) asking Ann where she wanted to go. Starring at her text messages, Ann's answer was "I don't know, my friends have text'd me that they're at (insert bar strip)". Need I remind you that everyone knew that she DID know what she wanted. That response was her form of meekness (a description not often synonymous with Ann).

So, when we rolled up to a completely Underwhelming bar strip littered with tipsy hipsters and plaid-shirt-and-skinny-jean-wearing-black-guys, I gave Diandra a look that said, "What EPIC mistake is this!?" All I could think about was how long it was going to take us to get off this street that we had obviously made a WRONG TURN onto. But than Jasmine's friend was saying, "Well Ann, I think that bar you're talking about is like 20 minutes away...soo yeah" (Jasmine cosigned.) That is when I noticed that Jasmine had slowed the car down and was looking out the window as if searching for a valet. Horror ran cold in my veins! It could not be! I looked around the car and observed the same expression on every girl's face, even Jasmine's friend. Did she intend for us to (shudder) get out here? Jasmine herself seemed blissfully unaware of the confusion and disgust spreading across everyone's face. The next thing I know, I valet is opening all of our doors and as I step out of the car, everything in me screams to get back in!

Two seconds later, the five of us (Me, Ann, Diandre, Jasmine, Jasmine's friend) are standing in line to who-knows-where! Please understand that no one and I mean NO ONE agreed to go to this place. Jasmine picked this bar and I supposed she saw no need to inform anyone else. Fail. Epic-ly. So, when we could not get in the bar and Jasmine discovered that no one wanted to stay, her exact words were, "Okay well, if you don't want to stay here than we'll just go home". What? At that moment, all pretenses dropped and I gave her the dirtiest look I could muster and said, "how about we try somewhere else". We spent a few seconds acting like we were trying to decide on a place to go but when (surprise, surprise) we ended up on our way to the bar Ann had originally suggested, no was really shocked. Even more "interesting" was that this 20-minutes-away-bar turned out to be only like a 5 minute drive! Tisk, Tisk. Sounds suspect. But, it gets worst.

When we finally pulled up to where we should have been from the "get-go", the bar was shutting down! I kid you not! People were pouring out of the place and then 2 very tipsy guys run up to the car calling Ann's name saying, "We're just leaving the bar, you missed it!" The irony was so rich, I could taste it. The look on Ann's face could of broken my heart had I not been busy fuming with steamy rage. "You guys should come with us to breakfast! We're going to get breakfast!" the guys yelled as the car pulled away. Ann looked at everyone and asked if we wanted to go. Somehow over the blasting music, my 3 times repeated Affirmative sounded like I said that none of us wanted to go. It's funny because, when I was joking playfully with Diandre who was sitting right beside me, Jasmine heard me well enough to comment that we "acted like 2nd graders", but when I raised my voice THREE TIMES to say that Diandre and I wanted to go to breakfast, she "heard me wrong". (eyebrow raise)

It was not until I noticed Jasmine pulling onto the freeway that I realized we weren't going anywhere but home! Wait wait wait! What? Where the- Wow! That's just about what went through my mind before I just went to my quiet place and ignored everyone. So, news flash to anyone reading this. Jasmine never wanted to go to "that" bar or hang out with "those guys". She never made an effort to hide that fact. So, the night's complete failure was a big misunderstanding? Doubtful.

At the end of the night, as I took off my completely wasted outfit and wiped off my make up--that had taken 20 minutes to put on--I got in the bed and thought to myself, "Well, this night was a Cluster-F%CK."

So ended my first night in Chicago.