Good Girl

She say she never did it

She say she never tried

She sittin there tellin

A motherf@#king lie...

Or, Maybe Not. 

GIVE ME WHAT I WANT!!

I am SO done with mediocre. I mean, it was okay for a while but my system does not have the capacity to sustain on such a meager existence. The truth is, a nice place to live and a timid day-to-day routine is destroying my health. Why just this morning, I woke up with back pains and the sniffles! YOU SEE! It's really a matter of great urgency that I rise to my true standards (and if you're wondering, it's near perfection). Life or Death, really. That is why I have concluded have prescribed a high dose of attention as the remedy. That's right. A healthy dose (or 5) of attention is essential for a balanced and overwhelmingly fulfilling life. Everybody knows that. 

And to begin, I want to draw attention to the latest men who've tried to get my number:

• Publix Produce Guy: Thanks for telling me how hot I am in my throw-on-anything-to-run-to-the-store clothes but the thing is that the reason that I did not give you my number is NOT the "I have a boyfriend" excuse that I gave you (even if it's true). It is actually because you couldn't be a day over 20. I'm 23. And you had blue braces. No thanks. And honestly, you were looking kind of rough.
• Jamaican Mechanic Guy: It was really sweet of you to let me sit beside you while I was waiting for my Honey BBQ Wings order but that does not mean that I want to carry on a conversation with you... about anything. When you saw me pull a novel out of my purse while you were talking, that was your--rather obvious--hint that I don't want to talk to you anymore. I hope you noticed how I kept checking to see if my order was called... so I could get away from you. By the way, not that I don't love attention from older (worthy) men, but you are like, 40 and you thought I might still be in high school. EW! You pervert. 32A does not mean you've found the 16yr old of your dreams. 

::Deep Breathe:: My work here is done.